Friends (not the show)
Growing up introduces you to a plethora of harsh realities: bills, responsibilities, your body changing… but one that no one ever warns you about is how your relationships change as you get older. I’m only 22, but I’ve had my fair share of friendships. At this point in my life, I’m about to graduate college, I have a solid set of values I hold myself to, and a lot of variables in my life are changing. My friendships right now are very much intentional and full of choice, and that’s what makes them hard.
Before college, all of our friends were out of circumstance and convenience. We really had no choice but to be friends with who was around us. But now with more control over our schedules, we have 100% choice of who we decide to surround ourselves with. This introduces a new dilemma of finding out, “who are my friends?”. Throughout college I’ve been fortunate to have my handful of consistent friends; I’ve lost a few and gained a few but I have my solid handful. In the last year, I’ve made the decision that I don’t want to be friends with some who were part of my consistent handful. These decisions weren’t made lightly, but it brings back the thought to my mind that I have 100% choice over who I surround myself with.
The moment you realize one of your friends is causing you more harm than good whether mentally, emotionally, or however it may be is a tough realization to have— and it’s not one I take lightly. As this chapter in my life is coming to a close (I’m graduating college), I’m trying to be very mindful of who I’m bringing with me into my next phase of life. It kind of sucks looking at old pictures and remembering who these people once were to me, but then I must remind myself that things have changed.
For a while now I’ve felt like I’ve been dancing on a fine line of protecting my peace and completely isolating myself, except I have no routine and I don’t know when this dance ends. This was not intentional. I miss having too many photos from all the great memories I was making and running out of weekends to plan things. Regardless— I know that things change and I’m ok with that, I think I’m just at the point where I’m ready for the next chapter and these choices I’ve had to make are coming to a head. It’s clear that everyone around me is in a similar boat, which in turn I think is affecting everyone’s relationships. I know this next chapter is going to have some stellar new characters and my hands will be full again, it’s just a harsh reality when you notice yourself choosing to remove a friend from your life. Thank you for reading <3
